I read somewhere that if the Universe was the size of the earth, then the earth would be a billionth of the size of a needle head. If that is so, then I cant help but wonder, how small does that make us?
I’ve been trying to grasp how insignificant I really am. In the greater scheme of things my failures won’t change the course of the world. The Amazon will still burn, the ice caps will still melt, human beings will go extinct. There’s really nothing I can do to change that. Even if I decide to be the best version of myself, the universe will continue to expand, new stars will be born, some stars will die, galaxies will expand, black holes will do what black holes do, and I will continue to remain insignificant. My existence is an abnormally. I really shouldn’t be here but I am! F#ck yeah!
I’m insignificant, I’m small, my actions don’t matter. I’m ok with this; It’s freeing you see. I don’t have to worry about being perfect. I don’t have to worry about impressing you or your friends. I can just be me. In my rawest cosmic form; as was intended. I don’t have to have a super amazing purpose. I don’t have to be the saviour of humanity. I don’t have to be the best son or brother or friend or lover. I can just be myself. And that in itself is everything. That too is enough.
If I don’t have to be anything why would I choose to be depressed over being happy? Why would I choose anxiety? My feelings are just an echo of what I put out into the universe. Whether I do it deliberately or not.
We’ve been trying to human for so long we’ve forgotten how to be kind. Kind to ourselves first and foremost. To our bodies. To our minds. I’m slowly remembering how to. I’m learning to love the small things first. My smile, my laugh. My weirdly sexually placed birthmarks. My tattoos. My hair. My face. I love my face. That’s what love is. I am love. This is fact. My consciousness is as vast as the universe is.
Indigo Saint is the moniker for Bulawayo born hip hop artiste, Mzwakhiwe Ngwenya. Growing up in the multi cultured streets of Sauerstown suburbs and experiencing the 90s and early 2000s Hip-Hop movements, his love for the genre was insatiable from then.
His lyrical flow has seen him win an award for Best Underground Artiste at the Zim Hip-Hop Awards 2017, his first award. Not only is Indigo Saint an award-winning Hip-Hop artiste, but he is also an advocate of social change (listen to his 2016 offering the Blunt EP), using his music to advocate and raise awareness on issues regarding depression.
He has been on numerous platforms talking about depression and the unattended after effects such as suicide. The Blunt EP is a dedication to a close friend he lost through suicide because of depression.
Follow his journey on Twitter @friendsofindigo